Thanks.

Hi everyone.

Thanks for reading my blog.
Thanks for all of the love and support that you showed me last Spring, whether it was a bouquet of flowers, a heartfelt text, or even just a "like" when I first nervously posted my blog on Facebook.
Thanks so much for being there when I really needed it, and for giving me the extra push I needed to get through.
Thanks so much for reminding me how blessed I am and how many wonderful people that I have in my life.
Thanks for helping me put life into perspective and focus on the things that really matters.

As 2012 draws near, I am relocating and have started a new blog where I will post about who knows what, but if you would like to follow, you can do so here :)

Thanks again and I love you all.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

To all of my readers, thank you. It's been quite a few months now since I've last blogged, and it retrospect, I think that's sort of a good thing! Losing my hair was one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with, but I honestly think this blog was what got me through. I had never thought of myself as a writer, or someone who enjoyed jotting down their thoughts and feelings and inspirations, but I have proven to myself otherwise. I am so happy that I made the impulsive decision that day in Memorial Union (go figure) to share the experience of losing my hair over social media, because I couldn't have gotten through it without all of the support from my friends and family, and even those I barely knew. I know that might sound petty, but it's true. The kindness that I witnessed through my hardest times made me gain faith in myself and in humanity. I focused less of the fact that I had no hair, but instead of the fact that I had the best friends and supporters in the whole entire world.

Since March, when I purchased my first wig, I have lost all of my hair (except one tiny patch on the right side of my head). Smooth as a baby's butt! I have also lost almost all of my arm hair, some leg hair, and now almost all of my, once very thick, eyebrows, which I used to consider my favorite feature. I have always been a HUGE fan of caterpillar-like eyebrows, like the ones you see on models in Vogue magazine, so it was a bummer to part with them. But, thankfully, I wear my Ray Ban Wayfarers religiously (helps me to look the part at my internship) and they do a pretty good job at covering my lack of eyebrows/distracting people from even noticing they're gone. (At least I hope..!)

 Here is a before and after picture of my eyebrows, accompanied by another selfie (had to sent out a phone pic to the friends for approval) of my new head-wrap that I wore on Saturday to the Steve Miller Band concert at the St. Louis Arch. It was great to be home for the weekend, although the weather was just too hot for a wig!

Before:

Ok, for real. Before:

And after: goodbye eyebrows! It's been real. (Yes, I am wearing my signed XL SLU basketball camp t shirt from the 4th grade, and yes I did wear XL tees in 4th grade.)

Fourth of July heat: hair-wrap (or lack there of?) to the rescue!

I definitely plan on purchasing more for the summer months (and let me know if any of you have seen any cute ones! This one was the best I could do at the wig shop, but I plan on scavenging for more when I get some free time.) And as seen in this picture, I also purchased an eyebrow powder and application brush at Sephora to help fill in my eyebrows for when I want to go without my glasses. Works wonders.

Anyways, after taking prednisone which I wrote about back in March (never again), I was put on methotrexate which has the looooovely side effect of breaking out. For those of you who know me, you probably know that I would rather be bald forever than have any sort of a breakout, so I was not too excited at first. But thanks to my awesome dermatologist, I was prescribed yet anotttther drug to nix that little issue. As for the hair growth, I have not yet seen any progress, and have actually experienced the opposite. In high school, I always had random bare spots on my arms, and would brag to my friends about how cool it was. Now almost all the hair on my arms has disappeared... But smooth arms? A girl can't complain. 

According to medicinenet.com, methotrexate is a widely-used drug for breast cancer, psoriasis, has been proven to be effective in inducing miscarriage, and has also been helpful in treating arthritis. What is the common theme here? Issues that don't really seem to have a cure/no one really knows how to effectively treat. So why not throw so methexate at ya? That seems to be the ongoing trend with this drug, which is basically what my doctor said to me when he told me that he "only gives the drugs to patients that he knows really well and thinks would be worth the risk." So who knows if this will work, but I'm in no rush. The wig has made my life so much simpler, and I honestly don't miss all the extra time it takes to wash, dry, and style my hair. Sleeping in an extra 30 minutes before work certainly makes up for it.

I don't want to bore any of you with facts about medicines or the disease itself, but I realized I never really explained what Alopecia was. So for those of you who are interested in learning more, here is the website for the National Alopecia Areata Foundation, which has proven to be to be very inspiring and comforting to hear other people's stories, as well is informational and helpful in understanding what exactly Alopecia is.

The initial purpose of my blog was honestly to help myself cope with my circumstances, and get out of my feelings and thoughts out, which I never thought have such great results. I felt like a whole new person, and promised myself that I would continue to write, even if it was something that was rather insignificant. However, after three very heartfelt, powerful blog posts, it seemed hard to go back and keep writing about things that seemed trivial or less important. Things that didn't result in huge life lessons or self-discovery. And every time I tried to add on to the blog, I sat with a blank stare. Where to start? A music video? A post about my recent LOST addiction? A post about my recent weekend in St. Louis with friends and family? None of this seemed adequate on a blog that was accompanied by three other posts about my traumatic hair loss. But at the same time, my hair doesn't bother me anymore. I have experienced that chapter of my life and it is time to write a new one, even if it is as simple as new song that I like. Heck, music meant more to me than my hair ever did!

And who needs therapy when you have a blog? That's what I've learned from all of this. Sometimes it just takes some alone time to sort through your thoughts and feelings, frustrations and struggles, inspirations and dreams, and everything in between. Time to clear your head and move forward, and in my case, maybe even writing it all down. In this fast-paced crazy world, I've learned it's good to take a moment to yourself to breathe. And with that being said, here's to the continuance of my blog... to my passions, my inspirations, my ups, my downs... whatever they may be. Cheers!

Noah and the Whale -- "L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N."

Call Me G.I. Jane

I thought that it was necessary for another blog post today because I SHAVED MY HEAD! After taking my wig off and looking in the mirror last night to see that I directly resembled a mad scientist with random patches of hair shooting out from all over my head, I decided that it was time for the rest of it to go. There were very few places with hair left and bobby-pinning it up under the wig everyday seemed like it was going to be more of a hassle than anything, so after a typical impulsive Laura decision, I was ready to part ways with the few lingering hairs that I had left.

Everyone in the annex was so helpful and I couldn't have done it without them. Shout out to Marisa for cutting it, Liz for bringing over her roomie's electric razors, Lauren Hagerty for buzzing it, Sue for the smooth shave, and everyone else for being so supportive and making me feel so comfortable.

Today, I wore my wig to class for the first time and a couple people just asked if I had highlighted my hair, and the others who knew said that it looked way better than they had expected, so I can't complain! Not to mention it took me less than 5 minutes to get ready to go out Saturday night and cut my shower time yesterday by at LEAST half. After class today I went for a run with Liz and just wore a hat (because I don't want to ruin my wig) and felt surprisingly fine with it. 

Bottom line: embrace change.

I figured that the blog wouldn't be complete without some photos of the process so here they are!

Barber Hagerty shaving off my remaining hair

the final product!

selfie, oops. thank you Liz Andrews for coming with me to get my new wig! :)

I have been happier than ever lately and I honestly owe it all to my amazing friends. Sorry to be sappy, but its true. This whole thing has made me realize how many great people I have in my life and I love each and every one of you!!

gettin wiggy with it, na na na na na na

Well, yesterday was somewhat out of the ordinary for a 20-year-old, fairly healthy college student.........I purchased a wig.

The past week my hair has been falling out nonstop, 24/7, all day every day, and by yesterday was at the point where not even my brand new thick headbands could cover the spots up. Here is a lovely snapshot of my hair after one shower:

Pairing a polo baseball cap to work with nice black pants, heals, and cardigan for my office job didn't seem exactly ideal, so I finally came to terms with the fact that it was time to invest in a "hairpiece" so that I can go back to feeling somewhat normal again.....YIKES that sounds weird. So yesterday, I skipped class to get my shift at work over with and then booked it to St. Louis to the local Custom Wig Shoppe where I met up with my very supportive mother (who is being unfortunately being forced to spend a fortune on my lack of hair, sorry mom) to pick out a brand new wig.

BIMBO. That was the first word that popped into my mind when I made my way around the different aisles of perfectly voluminous and teased-looking, thick, and extra shiny wigs. I mean, it is going to be quite obvious when I start walking around campus and my hair has suddenly grown 2 inches higher.. but you gotta do what you gotta do.

That's basically what I've learned with this whole thing. It's a medical condition, there is absolutely nothing else I can do about it, and there is no reason to walk around pitying myself because well... there is just no point. So I am embracing all of this the best that I humanly can.

I found that the best way to deal with it all is just to be open and accepting of it, and I feel that's the best way to get through anything in life. Just take it one day at a time and make the best out of anything that comes your way.

Anyways. I was kind of hoping that the prednisone (a steroid that works by decreasing inflammation or suppressing an overactive immune system) that my dermatologist prescribed me last week would have kicked in and stopped my hair from falling out by now, but instead it has only made me want to eat this:

hehe just kidding, I didn't really like the seaweed. but THIS is more like it:

Yes, I did eat dinner at Corner Bakery and order a huge salad and then go back for a cookie. And then walk across the street to order a full order of chocolate chip pancakes. All prednisone has done is make me want to eat everything in sight. My cravings have been out of this world, and the fact that I was road-tripping all last weekend and eating out on the streets of Chicago didn't help my case.. So now, thanks to prednisone, I can be bald AND fat. any takers?

So, back to the wig. I picked one out. I got it as close to my hair color as possible. It's really long, but I'm cutting it. I'm getting it this weekend. I'm kind of excited, and I'm sure all you DG annex girlies are too so that you don't have to deal with my bitching and constant hair balls floating around.. sorrz. But anyways, if you happen to see me around campus next week, I swear I didn't take 2 hours blow-drying, straightening, and teasing my hair, I just don't have bad hair days.

my first real blog post?

So I don't really do this a lot, or ever for that matter, but after this last week and a half, I think it is about time for my first real blog post. Unlike my Tumblr blog where I get carried away with blogging hipster, artsy pictures that depict my dream, fantasy life, I live a rather normal life that consists mainly of studying, working, running, music, and going out. However, normal has not seemed to be the pace lately. I love my classes, I love my new job, I love running and training for the half marathon, I love hanging out with my friends at our dump of an annex, I love sitting on my computer and tumbling and listening to music and facebooking, and I love sleeping a lot too. However, balancing all of that has seemed to be quite the struggle lately, especially due to the fact that I had 3 tests, 3 work shifts (one of them I called in sick to), 3 assignments, a paper, and, of course, got sick all within 36 hours. Stressing doesn't even begin to describe how I felt last week. And my body sure showed it.

Background: Finals week, end of senior year, I began losing hair in two spots on the side of my head that I noticed during my "space and planetary" science class. After a minor freakout, I learned that my Alopecia Areata that I once had as a child decided to return. After a toxic, emotional high school relationship, I was almost sure that it was stress induced, and I was pretty much okay with it all because the spots were easily hidden and I could pretty much do all the same hairstyles with my hair (minus my infamous poof). After seeing my dermatologist about it, I began getting steroid injections every couple of months, using a topical cream, and the world kept turning.

Over the course of the last couple of years, there has been some off and on spotting: loss, regrowth, loss, repeat. All manageable. It wasn't until just a couple weeks ago the Tokyo Police Club concert that I noticed a lovely new spot on the tip top of my head the next day. As you can imagine, being a girl, I had quite the little breakdown. I had always been lucky with the placement of my spots and never thought that this would happen. The next morning, I immediately called my dermatologist, hoping to get in that day for injections, but was letdown to hear that they couldn't get me in until March 23rd. A month and a half. I cried at work. There was no way I could wait. So instead I called my St. Louis dermo and drove home two days later, hoping that she would have some miraculous answers that would make all my hair quickly grow back so that I could back to living a normal life, free from every day worries of how I was going to cover up my bald spots.

Well, she had no answers, and we instead went to the local wig shop to see what the options were for dealing with my increasing hair loss. There, I met a woman who helped me realize how mundane my situation was in light of what millions of others are dealing with: cancer. She was a beautiful woman, despite her lack of hair, and was truly an inspiration hearing about what she was going through. After hearing about her struggles with cancer, I begin to feel very thankful for my situation. I wasn't sick. I wasn't unhealthy. I was just losing hair.

However, it's not always easy to have that positive attitude from day to day when your hair is constantly falling out, whether its in the shower, on your pillow when you wake up in the morning, or all over your clothes when you are rushing to change from class for work. Over the past couple of weeks, I have accumulated probably another 10 bald spots, with about 5 of them being on the top of my head, and my newest one being on my part. So, now it is impossible to cover up my spots and wear my hair in my normal, every day low bun.

Luckily, I have great friends who went with me to the fabric store and helped me pick out beautiful patterns for my new headbands on Sunday which I will now be rocking on a regular basis. To go with them, I bought a bundle of white, grey, and black loose Hanes men V-Necks, so that I can sport a trendy cas(ual, the abbrev is hard for that one) look on campus and feel more comfortable and not so out of place.

Anyways, today I received delectable Hot Box cookies from my best best friend Ali in Boulder and it made my day. Amanda gave me flowers and a card the other day, and Haydon just sent me this link which has honestly turned my whole day around. All of these things made me smile. But whether it was a surprise gift or a link of inspiration or just words of inspiration and sympathy, all of my friends have really helped me survive these last couple of weeks and I am just so lucky to have them.

The link Haydon sent me on Kayla Martell: Miss Delaware and Alopecia victim






















Kayla Martell is the newest miss Delaware who also struggles with Alopecia, losing all of her hair at age 10. As she explains in the video link, she has been able to get through it with supportive family and friends who have supported her and made her feel beautiful. She didn't purchase her first wig until a couple years ago when doing pageants, and is very comfortable and confident in her own skin. Kayla is so inspiring and after reading articles and watching videos on the Pageant Queen, I can say that she is most definitely my current role model. I have never really liked pageants or understood them, but I think that what Kayla is doing is incredible. She has walked in multiple pageants bald-headed and isn't scared to tell people about her Alopecia or take off her wig. Kayla isn't afraid to show the world who she truly is, and has really proven to me that beauty on the inside is more important than anything else.

I know that hair is just something you look at, and I wish I could say that it doesn't bother me at all, but that would be a complete lie. These last weeks have been filled with shock followed up lots of ups and downs, but I know that with such great friends and a supporting family and the knowledge that there is so much more out there than my appearance, that I am going to make it through this better and stronger. After watching Kayla and her outlook on life, I have made it my goal to look beyond my hair and to find the beauty in every day things that constantly surround me.

I can't honestly say what is going to happen with my hair, it could keep falling out, or it could just be a phase. But either way I want to take this challenge and learn from it and become the best person I can.

I just want to thank all my friends and family for their support and for dealing with my constant moodiness and breakdowns lately. I love you all and don't know what I would do without you.

In the words of OK GO, "Let it go, this too shall pass."