Background: Finals week, end of senior year, I began losing hair in two spots on the side of my head that I noticed during my "space and planetary" science class. After a minor freakout, I learned that my Alopecia Areata that I once had as a child decided to return. After a toxic, emotional high school relationship, I was almost sure that it was stress induced, and I was pretty much okay with it all because the spots were easily hidden and I could pretty much do all the same hairstyles with my hair (minus my infamous poof). After seeing my dermatologist about it, I began getting steroid injections every couple of months, using a topical cream, and the world kept turning.
Over the course of the last couple of years, there has been some off and on spotting: loss, regrowth, loss, repeat. All manageable. It wasn't until just a couple weeks ago the Tokyo Police Club concert that I noticed a lovely new spot on the tip top of my head the next day. As you can imagine, being a girl, I had quite the little breakdown. I had always been lucky with the placement of my spots and never thought that this would happen. The next morning, I immediately called my dermatologist, hoping to get in that day for injections, but was letdown to hear that they couldn't get me in until March 23rd. A month and a half. I cried at work. There was no way I could wait. So instead I called my St. Louis dermo and drove home two days later, hoping that she would have some miraculous answers that would make all my hair quickly grow back so that I could back to living a normal life, free from every day worries of how I was going to cover up my bald spots.
Well, she had no answers, and we instead went to the local wig shop to see what the options were for dealing with my increasing hair loss. There, I met a woman who helped me realize how mundane my situation was in light of what millions of others are dealing with: cancer. She was a beautiful woman, despite her lack of hair, and was truly an inspiration hearing about what she was going through. After hearing about her struggles with cancer, I begin to feel very thankful for my situation. I wasn't sick. I wasn't unhealthy. I was just losing hair.
However, it's not always easy to have that positive attitude from day to day when your hair is constantly falling out, whether its in the shower, on your pillow when you wake up in the morning, or all over your clothes when you are rushing to change from class for work. Over the past couple of weeks, I have accumulated probably another 10 bald spots, with about 5 of them being on the top of my head, and my newest one being on my part. So, now it is impossible to cover up my spots and wear my hair in my normal, every day low bun.
Luckily, I have great friends who went with me to the fabric store and helped me pick out beautiful patterns for my new headbands on Sunday which I will now be rocking on a regular basis. To go with them, I bought a bundle of white, grey, and black loose Hanes men V-Necks, so that I can sport a trendy cas(ual, the abbrev is hard for that one) look on campus and feel more comfortable and not so out of place.
Anyways, today I received delectable Hot Box cookies from my best best friend Ali in Boulder and it made my day. Amanda gave me flowers and a card the other day, and Haydon just sent me this link which has honestly turned my whole day around. All of these things made me smile. But whether it was a surprise gift or a link of inspiration or just words of inspiration and sympathy, all of my friends have really helped me survive these last couple of weeks and I am just so lucky to have them.
The link Haydon sent me on Kayla Martell: Miss Delaware and Alopecia victim
Kayla Martell is the newest miss Delaware who also struggles with Alopecia, losing all of her hair at age 10. As she explains in the video link, she has been able to get through it with supportive family and friends who have supported her and made her feel beautiful. She didn't purchase her first wig until a couple years ago when doing pageants, and is very comfortable and confident in her own skin. Kayla is so inspiring and after reading articles and watching videos on the Pageant Queen, I can say that she is most definitely my current role model. I have never really liked pageants or understood them, but I think that what Kayla is doing is incredible. She has walked in multiple pageants bald-headed and isn't scared to tell people about her Alopecia or take off her wig. Kayla isn't afraid to show the world who she truly is, and has really proven to me that beauty on the inside is more important than anything else.
I know that hair is just something you look at, and I wish I could say that it doesn't bother me at all, but that would be a complete lie. These last weeks have been filled with shock followed up lots of ups and downs, but I know that with such great friends and a supporting family and the knowledge that there is so much more out there than my appearance, that I am going to make it through this better and stronger. After watching Kayla and her outlook on life, I have made it my goal to look beyond my hair and to find the beauty in every day things that constantly surround me.
I can't honestly say what is going to happen with my hair, it could keep falling out, or it could just be a phase. But either way I want to take this challenge and learn from it and become the best person I can.
I just want to thank all my friends and family for their support and for dealing with my constant moodiness and breakdowns lately. I love you all and don't know what I would do without you.
In the words of OK GO, "Let it go, this too shall pass."
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