I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

To all of my readers, thank you. It's been quite a few months now since I've last blogged, and it retrospect, I think that's sort of a good thing! Losing my hair was one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with, but I honestly think this blog was what got me through. I had never thought of myself as a writer, or someone who enjoyed jotting down their thoughts and feelings and inspirations, but I have proven to myself otherwise. I am so happy that I made the impulsive decision that day in Memorial Union (go figure) to share the experience of losing my hair over social media, because I couldn't have gotten through it without all of the support from my friends and family, and even those I barely knew. I know that might sound petty, but it's true. The kindness that I witnessed through my hardest times made me gain faith in myself and in humanity. I focused less of the fact that I had no hair, but instead of the fact that I had the best friends and supporters in the whole entire world.

Since March, when I purchased my first wig, I have lost all of my hair (except one tiny patch on the right side of my head). Smooth as a baby's butt! I have also lost almost all of my arm hair, some leg hair, and now almost all of my, once very thick, eyebrows, which I used to consider my favorite feature. I have always been a HUGE fan of caterpillar-like eyebrows, like the ones you see on models in Vogue magazine, so it was a bummer to part with them. But, thankfully, I wear my Ray Ban Wayfarers religiously (helps me to look the part at my internship) and they do a pretty good job at covering my lack of eyebrows/distracting people from even noticing they're gone. (At least I hope..!)

 Here is a before and after picture of my eyebrows, accompanied by another selfie (had to sent out a phone pic to the friends for approval) of my new head-wrap that I wore on Saturday to the Steve Miller Band concert at the St. Louis Arch. It was great to be home for the weekend, although the weather was just too hot for a wig!

Before:

Ok, for real. Before:

And after: goodbye eyebrows! It's been real. (Yes, I am wearing my signed XL SLU basketball camp t shirt from the 4th grade, and yes I did wear XL tees in 4th grade.)

Fourth of July heat: hair-wrap (or lack there of?) to the rescue!

I definitely plan on purchasing more for the summer months (and let me know if any of you have seen any cute ones! This one was the best I could do at the wig shop, but I plan on scavenging for more when I get some free time.) And as seen in this picture, I also purchased an eyebrow powder and application brush at Sephora to help fill in my eyebrows for when I want to go without my glasses. Works wonders.

Anyways, after taking prednisone which I wrote about back in March (never again), I was put on methotrexate which has the looooovely side effect of breaking out. For those of you who know me, you probably know that I would rather be bald forever than have any sort of a breakout, so I was not too excited at first. But thanks to my awesome dermatologist, I was prescribed yet anotttther drug to nix that little issue. As for the hair growth, I have not yet seen any progress, and have actually experienced the opposite. In high school, I always had random bare spots on my arms, and would brag to my friends about how cool it was. Now almost all the hair on my arms has disappeared... But smooth arms? A girl can't complain. 

According to medicinenet.com, methotrexate is a widely-used drug for breast cancer, psoriasis, has been proven to be effective in inducing miscarriage, and has also been helpful in treating arthritis. What is the common theme here? Issues that don't really seem to have a cure/no one really knows how to effectively treat. So why not throw so methexate at ya? That seems to be the ongoing trend with this drug, which is basically what my doctor said to me when he told me that he "only gives the drugs to patients that he knows really well and thinks would be worth the risk." So who knows if this will work, but I'm in no rush. The wig has made my life so much simpler, and I honestly don't miss all the extra time it takes to wash, dry, and style my hair. Sleeping in an extra 30 minutes before work certainly makes up for it.

I don't want to bore any of you with facts about medicines or the disease itself, but I realized I never really explained what Alopecia was. So for those of you who are interested in learning more, here is the website for the National Alopecia Areata Foundation, which has proven to be to be very inspiring and comforting to hear other people's stories, as well is informational and helpful in understanding what exactly Alopecia is.

The initial purpose of my blog was honestly to help myself cope with my circumstances, and get out of my feelings and thoughts out, which I never thought have such great results. I felt like a whole new person, and promised myself that I would continue to write, even if it was something that was rather insignificant. However, after three very heartfelt, powerful blog posts, it seemed hard to go back and keep writing about things that seemed trivial or less important. Things that didn't result in huge life lessons or self-discovery. And every time I tried to add on to the blog, I sat with a blank stare. Where to start? A music video? A post about my recent LOST addiction? A post about my recent weekend in St. Louis with friends and family? None of this seemed adequate on a blog that was accompanied by three other posts about my traumatic hair loss. But at the same time, my hair doesn't bother me anymore. I have experienced that chapter of my life and it is time to write a new one, even if it is as simple as new song that I like. Heck, music meant more to me than my hair ever did!

And who needs therapy when you have a blog? That's what I've learned from all of this. Sometimes it just takes some alone time to sort through your thoughts and feelings, frustrations and struggles, inspirations and dreams, and everything in between. Time to clear your head and move forward, and in my case, maybe even writing it all down. In this fast-paced crazy world, I've learned it's good to take a moment to yourself to breathe. And with that being said, here's to the continuance of my blog... to my passions, my inspirations, my ups, my downs... whatever they may be. Cheers!

Noah and the Whale -- "L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N."